


It Wasn't Easy

by jae_no



Series: Struggle [2]
Category: Block B, K-pop
Genre: Angst, Drinking, Gen, Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 09:49:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5581177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jae_no/pseuds/jae_no
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While there's a lot of stress that comes with the end of promotions, there's a lot of fun to be had as well. That fun, however, quickly turns reckless and downright deadly.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Wasn't Easy

**Author's Note:**

> I think the second kpop fanfic I ever wrote, originally published about two years ago. It's a loose continuation from my first fic, Not Over, which was originally published at around the same time.

He adjusted the large earphones into place again, brows furrowed in ultimate concentration as he pecked a few keys on the keyboard before moving his other hand over the mouse to click. A beat mute to outside ears began to play and he shut his eyes, swaying in the cushioned chair slightly.  
  
The rhythms felt heavy in his chest as he tapped his fingers along the top of the desk in perfect time. His lips followed soundless words as the heaviness in his chest began to tug at his gut. The emotion within him seemed to fill and suffocate the small room for a brief moment before it was broken with a discontent groan.  
  
No.  
  
Something was missing.  
  
Zico opened his eyes, leaning closer to the screen as he dragged the mouse to replay the part that felt… well, something akin to trying to push open a heavy door with badly rusted hinges. He shook his head, saving the file. If he kept at this any longer he’d probably end up ruining the rest of it. He jarred the headphones off his head and tossed them on the desk with a huff, rubbing his face with both hands and then dragging them through his hair.  
  
Hands resting atop his head, he glared at the screen which was now looking blurry through his tired eyes. “Argh, what’s it missing…?” he muttered under his breath. He hated getting blocked like this. It made everything else feel all clogged up inside him. He leaned his head to each side, applying a bit of pressure with his hands until he heard a satisfying crack from his neck. He figured he should try to sleep since after spending the entire day in the small studio space, he felt at wits end. He didn’t get what was taking him so long this time; usually he could make a song he was pleased with in a few hours’ time.  
  
With a sigh, he lowered his arms and pushed back the rolling chair as he stood. He plucked his thick coat from the back of the chair and his bag from near the door as he pulled out a ring of jingling keys from a pocket. Making sure to lock the studio up behind him, he made his way down the outer hall of the building and into the brisk night air, his warm breath fogging before him in a large cloud.  
  
\------  
  
Everyone was running around backstage, making last minute preparations before the group was to go out for their last on-stage performance. Zico was sitting before one of the mirrors, staring at his reflection with a slight frown as his hair was being sprayed into place. Jaehyo was next to him, leaned close to the mirror, preening himself in the reflection and complaining about how the stage outfit was making him sweat already. P.O had been running around hugging all the coordis, excitedly telling them how he’d miss seeing them so much. Taeil and Kyung had been talking and getting a last once-over of their outfits and makeup to make sure everything was in place. B-bomb was by the outfits rack taking another selfie, and U-kwon was standing more towards the entrance to the stage, quiet but unable to keep himself still.  
  
They were all more than a little nervous. On the drive over they hardly talked, a palpable air of anxiety blanketing what would have usually been a very lively trip. Every time any of them shared a glance in the mirrors when changing, they could see the other’s apprehension that this may be their last performance for a long time… and if worse came to worse; that it may be their last one ever as a complete group. They agreed to not talk about it until the next year; they wanted to brush aside their worries about it until then, but it was hard to shake it from the back of their minds.  
  
Their uncharacteristic behavior had several of the coordis and managers worried. Zico assured them that it was just because they were trying to conserve their energy to do well on stage. It wasn’t exactly a lie; they were obviously feeling a bit worn down from the months of hard work and promotions, but it was the extra work of trying to preserve their public appearance that was hardest on them. They never wanted to be a group with false pretenses, but they knew for the sake of their fans they needed to be strong until things were already in motion. They just hoped their fans would continue to be the strong pillar of support they’d been throughout all the other hard times.  
  
Zico sighed at his reflection, trying not to look too worried as he attempted to block out all of the commotion surrounding him. He had been feeling a bit off for days now, the unfinished song still floating in the back of his mind. He needed to focus right now though, being so distracted right before going out to perform was the last thing he needed. Deep in thought, Zico hadn’t heard his name being called as one of the coordis stepped up behind him, placing her hands on his shoulders, “Jiho? You awake in there?”  
  
He had startled slightly, snapping his eyes up to look at her through the reflection of the mirror. He gave a slightly forced smile and she one just the same. “Come on, the others are just about ready to go out. I need to check over your outfit,” she said as she squeezed his tense shoulders lightly.  
  
Zico let out a small grunt as he pushed himself out of the chair, flashing a bright-seeming smile at the mirror before turning around to face her. He leaned down slightly so the coordi could inspect his makeup. “You know, after all this time, I would have thought you’d break the habit of rubbing your eyes,” she commented as she reached her hand up to rub away the smudged eyeliner from around his eye.  
  
“Maybe I should just make smoky eyes my next concept?” he joked; one eye squinted shut as she started to reapply it, chuckling.  
  
“Maybe all of you kids should? Could be an interesting look.”  
  
He straightened his back when she finished, lowering her hands down to tug at the front of his coat. “Now listen here. Whatever it is that’s gotten into you kids, enjoy yourselves out there, got it? No need to be so…unlike yourselves, okay?”  
  
Zico lowered his head slightly, an appreciative smile on his lips. She pat his chest lightly, telling him good luck before she walked off. Zico looked up towards the others, knowing he should probably say something to them before they went out, but the words wouldn't come to him. He smiled to himself as he noticed the same old pre-stage nervousness they always had. Another coordi was weaving between the others as Zico approached. B-bomb, who had seemed a bit snappy all day, turned towards her as she passed by him, “I said my pants fit just fine, alright!? There’s no need to keep checking—” Flustered, she looked up from buttoning the top button of Kyung’s shirt before rushing away behind some of the other staff members. P.O snickered and elbowed B-bomb, who just tried to wave him off.  
  
The loud cheering got even louder as they got the signal to head out. Zico cursed to himself for not coming up with something to say to the others, he’d not have time between outfit changes even if he knew what he wanted to tell them either. He locked eyes with each of the others and nodded. The cheering got even louder as they ran out onto the stage.  
  
\------  
  
It always felt like such a blur after. The performances never seemed to last as long as they should, and always left him feeling so much more exhausted than even hours of practice. Just coming off from the stage, they were all still breathing heavily and dripping with sweat as they started to peel away the layers of their too warm stage outfits. Zico had barely started to change before he needed to lay back on one of the larger chairs near the now very messy outfits rack in order to catch his breath.  
  
Towels and water bottles had been passed around, and as the other members started to cool down, they changed back into their normal clothes. After tossing his stage pants on the top of the rack, Kyung made his way over to Zico, pulling him into a sitting position and tossing a damp towel on his head as he helped to take of his stage coat. The others were talking and wiping off their makeup, visibly more relaxed then they had seemed for weeks. There was something about performing that provided such a release, lessening all their tension to nothingness. As his shirt was tugged over his head, Zico wished the tension would never have to return.  
  
\------  
  
The car ride back to the hotel room seemed to revive their liveliness— physically they were exhausted, but their nerves were still on fire from the excitement of the performance. Taeil, B-bomb, and U-kwon were sitting in the back row of seats, all leaning forward to be able to talk to the others in the front, who were turned around in their seats. They shouted and shoved, unable to sit still because they knew the moment they did they would likely fall right asleep.  
  
“You should have seen her face; I was worried she might faint!”  
  
“Agh, don’t give yourself so much credit! They’re there for all of us aren’t they?”  
  
“Oh, please, we all know I’m the most popular—”  
  
“Girls don’t like arrogance, Kyunggie.”  
  
“They thrive off mine!”  
  
“Look at him—so proud of it!”  
  
“Hey, hey, don’t try to pretend you’re not the same! You spent so much time in front of the mirror before we went out that I thought you were just going to take it out with you!”  
  
“What the hell does that even mean? Do you hear him? You’re delirious with sleep—making no sense right now.”  
  
“You’re one to talk! How late were you even up on the computer the other night?”  
  
“Yeah! I even told you I needed to get on!”  
  
“Oh, shut up, I wasn’t doing anything!!”  
  
“Naughty, naughty, Hyung.”  
  
“Hey, hey, hey—don’t even get me started, alright—me of all people to pick on for that!??” Jaehyo turned in his seat more so he could point at B-bomb. “If anyone, it’s this guy you need to scold!”  
  
Laughing just as hard as the others, B-bomb swat away the accusing finger. “You make it sound so much worse than it is!”  
  
“With the stuff of yours I’ve found on the computer, it is—”  
  
“Then don’t go through my stuff??”  
  
“Agh, you brush it off so easily!”  
  
Their bantering continued the rest of the trip to the hotel room. They had piled out of the van as staff took their stuff up to their rooms, but lingered around outside of the building, not yet wanting to turn in for the night. Eventually, Taeil let one of the managers know that they were going to walk around and be back to the hotel later. The manager was about to tell him they couldn’t just wander off, but it was too late; Taeil had already run back off towards the others, already making their ways down the street.  
  
Lighted shops and storefronts surrounded them, the streets just as busy as they were in the daytime. Even with the bone-cold chill at this time of year there were still just as many people walking around. The boys were just browsing and enjoying not having managers or cameras following them around. Whenever they passed by a store with a good beat, one of them would start to dance or rap, catching the attention of a passer-by or two. After spending a considerable amount of time in a really nice shoe store, they drifted away from the shopping area and found themselves at a nearby club.  
  
Upon seeing the crowd gathered in front of it, Zico hooked his arm over Jaehyo’s shoulder and jabbed him in the chest with his finger as he looked around to the others. “Please tell me you all brought your IDs!?”  
  
To their luck, they did.  
  
\------  
  
Zico, impatient as he ever was, started to freestyle about how impatient he was while waiting in the long line, and Kyung and P.O joined in about how they just wanted to go in and have a good time. One of the guys at the door recognized Zico’s voice, and after a bit of schmoozing, they were through the doors in no time.  
  
An indeterminate amount of time was spent drinking, dancing, singing, and talking with plenty of strangers. They had, for the most part, stayed in pairs or as a group, but by now were lingering their own ways. Nights like this had become rare since promotions, and though this irresponsibility probably wasn’t wise considering none of their managers knew where they were, the boys just didn’t care anymore. When they had been standing around one of the tables earlier, they had all raised their bottles with a loud ‘fuck you’ to the company. What did they care? The company certainly didn’t seem to care enough about their well-beings before, so what the hell did it matter now if they decided to be a little more reckless?  
  
It was the time of night where the number of people was starting to thin out. Most of the boys were thoroughly trashed by now, without a care in the world. Taeil had sat down in one of the booths, but began to fall asleep almost right away. Jaehyo, who went to go grab his drink from their first table, saw Taeil and helped get him up, which wasn’t an easy feat. Countless mornings of trying to pull Taeil from bed prematurely and getting a foot to the face could back him up on that. But having already been pushed past the brink of exhaustion for weeks now, he let Jaehyo pull his arm over his shoulder to help him stand, just barely walked along with him.  
  
Jaehyo somehow managed to gather the others in preparation to leave not long after. P.O had Taeil’s other arm over his shoulders, and Zico and Kyung had linked arms to help keep each other stable. The group stumbled their way out of the club, taking their time to make their way back to where they remembered the hotel being.  
  
Zico unlatched himself from Kyung and ran ahead of the others, turning around to face them with his arms raised over his head and a wide smile plastered across his face. “Don’t you guys feel great?!”  
  
Kyung motioned him to walk back with him again, but was ignored. “Lotta fun, tha’s fer sure. Can’t wait t’ sleep…” he mumbled, to which the others made sounds of agreement.  
  
Zico turned back around, still a fair number of paces in front, bobbing his head and muttering lyrics to himself. Though the others were more than ready to head in for the night, Zico felt on top of the world. He was already crossing the street as B-bomb called out that their hotel wasn’t down that way. Zico started to turn around, but in his not-so sober state he ended up tripping over his own foot and the curb, slamming his shin on the edge as he fell and smashed his face and palms on the sidewalk. U-kwon and Kyung ran over to him as fast as they could manage, grabbing him by the shoulders and tugging him up. Zico held both stinging hands over his face as he attempted to get his footing, which was even more difficult with a now throbbing leg.  
  
The others caught up, urgently asking if he was okay, but they were quieted when he lowered his hands and blood was dripping from his nose all down his face.  
  
“Oh shit—”  
  
“We needa take ‘im back right now! ”  
  
“—some’ne help walk him!”  
  
“Fuck, how’re we gonna’splain this….”  
  
“Agh, don’t get it everywhere!”  
  
Hands poised under his still dripping nose, Zico let himself be led as they quickened their pace to the hotel. His head was spinning and he suddenly felt sick to his stomach, the aches and pains all starting to sink back into his body.  
  
\------  
  
Zico was crumpled on the bathroom floor, dried blood still under his nose and in his nails.  
  
Once they had made their way up to their one large room, he said he needed to take care of his injuries himself, and locked the others out of the bathroom despite their protesting. After hastily rinsing the blood off, he just stared at his swollen face in the mirror and then looked down at his angry red palms, some dirt still stuck to the peeled skin. Squeezing his eyes shut, he felt waves of pain spread all through him and before he knew it he was taking in the feeling of cool tile on his cheek, unable to push himself up.  
  
He could hear the garbled shouting of one of their managers on the other side of the door. He could almost see his puffy red face, beading with sweat as he waved around his phone, yelling about not having any clue where they went, how they were gone for hours, and came back with their leader injured, no less.  
  
‘What would people say if they found out?’ ‘Aren’t you fools ashamed of yourselves?’ ‘What would your parents think of such reckless behavior?’ All the questions were met with dead silence and a couple of icy glares. Kyung’s eyes were lowered to the ground as the manager stepped away from him, simmering in the silence for a moment before storming out of the room.  
  
Not a word was spoken for several minutes, but the sounds of motion as they prepared for sleep could be clearly heard. Zico started to try to push himself up, but another wave of pain and dizziness overcame him. There was a soft knock on the door before P.O’s low voice spoke softly, “Hyung, you okay?”  
  
Zico couldn’t make himself reply fast enough, so P.O’s knocking became more urgent. “Jiho??”  
  
“Fine—fine.” He grunted.  
  
“Open the door.”  
  
“Hold on.”  
  
It went silent again. P.O looked back at Kyung who had just walked over after washing the last of the blood off his own hands.  
  
\------  
  
No one ended up finding out about the incident. For days Zico would not stop apologizing. It was just like after he came out of the hospital for his throat; no matter how much they tried to assure him it was fine, he wouldn’t let up.  
  
Days passed into weeks; the announcement about the lawsuit got out, everything quieted down, they spend more time at their own homes then together. They each became absorbed with their own things. Between sorting out issues with their parents and lawyers, there was an underground performance here, a mix tape there, the occasional twitter update where they were strictly forbidden to address anything relating to case.  
  
Time seemed to pass far too quickly for anyone’s liking. They felt like they hardly ever saw each other anymore as another month passed right under their noses.  
  
With the next part of the trial over, they had made plans to meet up again like old times. They quickly fell back into the restaurant visits, house hangouts, and late night bar trips as if no time had passed.  
  
“Well, you have to admit, they could both make pretty convincing women.”  
  
“Dammit Taeil, saying stuff like this and you’ve not even had anything to drink yet—!”  
  
“Oh, don’t act like I’m the only one that says these sorts of things! Did you forget about all the stuff Yukwon sai—”  
  
“—NOPE, ABSOLUTELY NOT, conversation over!!”  
  
“Don’t you dare even try to deny it now!”  
  
“Urg, Jihoon, stop poking my butt—”  
  
“—Look, that night I heard enough about Minhyuk’s ass to last me a life time; I don’t need to hear anymore.”  
  
“Thank you!”  
  
“Jiho should wear makeup like that more often though. The colour really worked with your lips!”  
  
“You watch yourself Kyung, I swear. I told you it wouldn’t come off! It took like the whole next day for the colour to go away!”  
  
“That’s because you used the lipstain, not lipstick.”  
  
“Yeah, you’d know, wouldn’t you Jaehyo.”  
  
“Hey, hey, I’m just saying!!”  
  
“Maybe we should get Jaehyo to try it too? Have him grow his hair again and wear those shorts. We re-debut and have everyone wonder why we’ve suddenly got a girl in the group!”  
  
“Well at least maybe then I could finally get a duet with you or something—”  
  
“Who said I’d want to do something like that??”  
  
“Agh, so harsh!”  
  
They were all in fits of laughter as their food came to them. Even as they were stuffing themselves, they were still just as loud as before; tossing their food onto each other’s plates and stealing other food when it was left unguarded. They left full and content, making plans to meet up a few nights later.  
  
\------  
  
It was a club they had started to frequent lately. The management didn’t mind their behavior; in fact they encouraged them sometimes as a means to attract some more customers. Probably not wise considering things could very easily spiral out of control with the boys, but they hadn’t yet so far.  
  
They met up and things started as they usually did: as a group until a few drinks loosened them up. The night seemed to have just begun when the boys started to get a little more than reckless. Sure, that many shots with those super hot girls wasn’t the smartest on their parts, but what they fuck were they supposed to do? Say no? Like that was even an option in their minds.

  
They had left the club several hours later, but the night wasn’t near over for them yet. They had set off into the freezing night air, walking down streets at random with the purpose of getting lost. How exciting would it be to end up on the other side of the city and have to take a car back in the morning?  
  
Going from main street to main street, they then began to trek through side streets and un-lit alleyways. They sang and yelled and played games as they walked. Taeil had stepped on the back of Kyung’s shoe causing him to trip right out of it, and he was now shouting nonsense as he tossed it around at the other members. After hitting Zico in the back, Zico ended up taken off his own shoes and chucked them right back at him.  
  
Shoes held in both hands, they ran with the others down the street, stopping before the empty intersection of another main road. Zico turned around, throwing his shoe toward B-bomb, who was getting a piggy-back ride from P.O on a dare. P.O shouted at Zico and ended up losing his balance, knocking both him and B-bomb onto their backs. Laughing, U-kwon helped P.O to get off of B-bomb, and nearly lost his own footing as he tried to pull them up on unsteady legs.  
  
Zico was still walking backwards out into the intersection, waving his arms over his head and shouting for someone to throw him back his shoes. Jaehyo ran and scooped them up, throwing them at Kyung instead, causing him to drop his own onto the floor. U-kwon had just finished helping B-bomb and P.O to stand when he looked up towards Zico still standing in the middle of the intersection. He opened his mouth to shout for Zico to come back over to them, when a car from the cross street became audible over their shouting with a sudden blare of its horn and squealing of its tires.  
  
All of them felt their stomachs drop and snapped their heads up when they heard the heavy thump on the pavement.  
  
It was all sirens and lights and screaming after that.  
  
\------  
  
U-kwon was sitting handcuffed in the back of a police cruiser. Kyung was sitting with his back against the wheel of the cruiser, his knees pulled up and face buried in his hands. The others, all pale-faced and terror stricken, were standing around him, darkened eyes either trained on their bare feet or the bright, twirling lights of the ambulance.  
  
"The piece of shit didn’t have his headlights on… hardly slowed down after it happened…" U-kwon repeated continuously between sob-hitched breaths.  
  
\------

  
Kyung leaned back in the cushioned chair that still had Zico’s old winter coat draped on the back of it. He stared blankly at the computer screen, his complexion unwell and sunken looking. He sighed and leaned forward, clicking on another file, just wanting to hear his voice again.  
  
A slow, heavy beat began to play through the headphones. Kyung furrowed his eyebrows, not recognizing it. A quick look at the date of the file told him it hadn’t been a recent one, made around the time of their last promotions, so why had he never heard it before? He closed his eyes as Zico’s precisely pronounced words started to flow. He felt a shiver run through him as the words sped up and somehow felt heavier to his ears.  
  
The abrupt ending to the recording jarred Kyung out of his reverie, causing him to snap his eyes open. It was hardly a moment later that he tossed off the head phone, scrambled out of the chair, and rushed out of the recording room with Zico’s coat in hand.


End file.
